Are you struggling? Are you:
- unemployed, under-employed or living with someone who is?
- dealing with a very difficult child, teacher, parent, spouse or friend?
- confused or fearful about your future?
- frustrated beyond belief at what’s happening to our country?
I’m frustrated too. AND I’ve decided to take charge – on a number of levels. I may not be successful at ALL levels, but at least I won’t feel like a victim. At least I’ll build some mental toughness – to prepare for what comes next. I will clarify my purpose, eliminate distractions and “gird my loins” if you will! I will move forward vs remain frozen.
Kind of like these guys, as portrayed in the HBO special, “John Adams”. If you haven’t seen it, rent it this weekend. Gather your friends and family; everyone bring a dish ’cause it’s a multi-part series.
I can’t even imagine what the founders and those who fought to create our country must have gone through. They must have felt like giving up. There must have been questions about their sanity and their motives. It’s clear that lives were lost. But it was important ENOUGH, wasn’t it?
So, while I can’t speak for you, but here’s what helps me stay motivated and get through the dark days:
Remembering where I came from. I think about all the hard work my parents put into raising me and my five brothers and sisters – the sleepless nights, the day-to-day sacrifices, the worry, and of course the joys! (We were quite a joyful handful!) After all their hard work, the least I can do is “belly up to the bar” and try to make them proud. I want to prove their efforts were not wasted.
That others need my strength. I hope this doesn’t come across as arrogant, but I’ve been reminded over the years that others watch how I’ve handled adversity. We never know who is watching us and whether what they see gives them courage or saps their strength. Even though I might feel inside like I’m fighting a losing battle, the effort of putting one foot in front of the other may encourage the people around me. Positive momentum builds when people inspire one another!
That this too will pass. Have you ever looked back on your life and remembered some REALLY dark days? You may wonder now how in the world you ever got through it! Eventually, this day will become one of those days too. You’ve done it before and you will do it again. And you’ll learn something more – a new skill and a better outlook along the way.
That it could lead to something better. I will restrain myself from pulling out that old joke about “…there must be a pony in here somewhere!” Truly, haven’t you noticed when you’re driving at night that the headlights only shine so far? But the farther we drive, the more territory we are able to see. (I call this my “Headlight Theory on Life” and intend to trademark it! Ha!) While it’s hard to keep this in mind while we’re in the midst of IT, new opportunities present themselves that I might otherwise have missed out on. We get creative when the pressure’s on, don’t we?
Change my routine. It’s easy to fall into a rut, physically and mentally. My thinking gets cloudy when too many struggles occur all at once. (And have you noticed it’s not necessarily the BIG things that drag us down – it’s the piling up of the little things?) So, I have to shake up my routine and do something different. Today it will be taking a walk at the park instead of going to the gym. (Yeah, like I go to the gym every day!) When I change my pattern of behavior, the mental state seems to follow – and things look better, brighter. I’m not sure why, but it just does.
Build in a buffer. You know how stressed we get when we’re late for an appointment or down to the last few bucks in the checking account? Remember how you felt after being sick for a while or during a storm when the furnace went out? That’s when tempers flare and attitudes turn dark. So, after finding myself “up against it” a few times, I discovered a book on how to build margin back into life. Margin is the space that exists between ourselves and our limits; it’s what we hold in reserve for unanticipated situations. The book is Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physcial, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard A. Swenson and it changed my way of thinking. While I don’t always succeed, I work harder now to build margin into my life – emotional energy, physical energy, time and financial – as much as possible!
Make friends. It feels good to get together with like-minded people. It’s energizing and motivating. You don’t do yourself any good by holing up inside a cocoon for too long. Come out! Join up with people who can lift your spirits. A ten-year Australian study found that people with friends live longer. I know life gets busy. I know we all have our Facebook profiles and pages and are followed by lots of folks on Twitter, but that’s not the same as face-to-face interaction. Invite someone over, host a movie night or call someone up who seems to be isolated. You’ll feel better too!
And finally, there are people who like to live in the dark. At some level, they get their needs met by always being in crisis and by sharing their “woe is me” mindset with others. Guard against this slippery slope. Catch yourself so the majority of your words and actions are constructive vs destructive. We can so easily go there when times are tough, but it will lead to an ever-increasing downward spiral that’s hard to climb out of.
While there’s no need to be “Suzie Sunshine” all the time, make sure to take charge of the majority of your day. It’s YOUR day. Create the sandbox you want to play in.
