Drama Queens: As one workshop participant recently said, “They’ll suck the life right out of ya!” Everyone in the room agreed and they all knew someone who fit the bill. They also needed tips on how to cope, so here’s a process to help:
First, decide how much energy you will allow this person to steal from you. You could allocate 80% of your day fixating on just one person, right? That won’t leave you much time for other folks who deserve your focus.
Next, identify how their pattern plays out. Is there a predictable cycle or routine you see happening over and over again? Get it down on paper so it’s clear in your mind. That way the next time it happens, you’ll be able to spot it right off.
Then identify how you want this person to do it differently in the future. Asking them to “stop doing X” will probably not work. They may need coaching to help substitute more constructive behaviors in place of destructive ones.
For example, if your favorite “drama queen” barges into your office and interrupts meetings on a regular basis:
- Discuss the pattern with him or her immediately after the next incident. Be clear about the fact that their behavior/actions are unprofessional, disrespectful and unproductive.
- Coach with the CARLA Concept™. Put pen to paper and together discuss the circumstance or challenge faced, the actions taken, results achieved, lessons learned, and alternatives for the future.
- Include your observations as well as encourage them to self-identify. They may not realize all the damage they cause, such as “Results: people hide when they see you coming because they don’t have the time to deal with the many crisis you bring. This reduces your influence and erodes your credibility.”
- Each time they relapse into the habit, sit them down and repeat the process. A once-over is not enough to make an impression. Some people need to go through it multiple times in order to “get it”.
- If you are in a leadership position, make sure you add something to their performance goals & objectives about improving the level of professionalism. This will make it real and relevant to them. People do what they are held accountable for. They won’t think you’re really serious unless you make it measurable.
Overall, the trick is to clearly identify the behaviors that are destructive, get them down on paper, list the replacement behaviors you’d like to see, then engage the person in a “gap analysis” process using The CARLA Concept™.
Too often, we want to be polite and prefer not to rock the boat. That’s understandable given the uproar that occurs when you confront someone about their destructive behaviors. Some people feel it’s just not worth the hassle and give up. However, it’s better to address it as soon as possible. Otherwise, it will chip away at your patience, your energy level, and most importantly, steal your ability to be of service to others who ARE worth your time and attention.
Yes, there may be a little discomfort at first, but if you follow these tips, you might be able to convince the Drama Queen to relinquish the stage!
