I was standing in line at the bank a few weeks ago and recognized the woman behind me. She was complaining about the length of the line, so I briefly commented, saying it was unusual and nodded in sympathy. I waited a moment to be sure it really was the person I remembered, then stuck out my hand and re-introduced myself.
She looked down at me (I’m short) with no effort to hide her disapproval and said, “Yes, I know who you are.” Then, looking down at my outstretched hand, pointedly refused to shake it.
I was pretty surprised at her behavior. But her next words were the most telling. “I used to work at XYZ (the company I’d remembered her from), but they eliminated my job after X years. That’s what you get for stepping on the wrong toes.”
Yes folks, there were indeed a few memorable moments of “high crimes and misdemeanors” during this interaction:
First, refusing to shake someone’s hand is big on the list of really bad insults. Doing it on purpose is one thing. (Her hand was not broken) Doing it in public, is another. You have just guaranteed yourself a place on that person’s permanent “do not call” and “never forget” list!
Second, every person in line saw her behavior and heard her words. Who knows who was standing in line with us? Perhaps a recruiter, HR Manager or potential supervisor she may face in a job interview sometime soon?
Third, her teenage daughter was standing by her side. How awful for a young person to witness this kind of behavior from a parent. What kind of lesson did she learn that day and how will that shape who she becomes and how she treats others? Parents carry such weight when it comes to personal influence.
Finally, I wouldn’t provide a very good reference should anyone ask me. These days, lots of reference checks happen behind the scenes and “under the radar”.
GIVE US YOUR THOUGHTS:
So what about you? Ever experienced anything like this? What did you do or say? Has it ever come back to bite that person in the you-know-what? OR have YOU ever refused to shake a person’s hand and if so, why?
Now, let’s go practice our handshakes!
Shoes on fenceposts near Valley View Hot Springs CO
I’ve kept track of top tips and key insights resulting from client coaching sessions. I thought you might find them helpful, so here goes:
- Just because companies are cutting back, laying off, downsizing and “re-orging” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make a move. Change creates opportunities.
- Just because you like someone, doesn’t mean they are good for you. Those who push you to stretch beyond your limits may serve you better than those who just nod and agree.
- What ratio of “noise” are you comfortable with in your life? Noise is auditory clutter. You do have the ability to block some of it out – filter phone calls, limit meetings and build in a quiet buffer zone.
- Hone interpersonal communication by engaging in face-to-face conversations. While social media is a powerful, productive force for building relationships, it is no substitute for personal interaction and skill-building experience.
- Spend as much time as possible to identify the top 10 percent of what you DO best and what you LIKE best. Sometimes the two will converge.
- Three key areas determine career success and job satisfaction: 1) the tasks you prefer to do, 2) the people you work best with, 3) a comfortable, productive environment that nurtures your soul and stimulates your mind
- Culture change within an organization – leadership, mission, philosophy – will do more to either motivate or harm employees than anything else
- You get best results when you align your personality style with the “personality” of the organization AND your goals with their goals
- Want to find a way to keep “stuff” from getting you down? Think like a consultant. Do your job and do what you can in the best interest of your “client”. But avoid getting emotionally caught up in whether or not they follow your advice.
- Just because you feel someone may need your advice, doesn’t necessarily mean they will welcome your advice.
- As you market yourself (for a job, in your business or on a date), remember that people are drawn to those they feel most comfortable with and relaxed around. Avoid making it hard for them!
- Do you feel you have a direction in life? Is there a purpose, a mission or cause about which you feel strongly? If not, perhaps it’s time to find one – to put some spring in your step, keep you centered, grounded and motivated.
- I know you sometimes struggle with the yardstick – evaluating, measuring how far to one side or another you should go. It’s fine to adjust the rudder, but be sure to find “range” parameters. These are the boundaries that define who you are, what you want, what you can do for others and just how far you feel you can go.
- Are you doing something that’s meaningful? Is it meaningful for YOU?
- Are you getting more from Facebook than the people in your office, your church, association or at home?
- When was the last time you set a “horror floor”? This is how low you will go. It’s the “floor” of the prices you set, the work you will do, the people you allow into your life.
- When was the last time you did something for the very first time? (Thanks for that, Paul!)
- The more you stay down in the “weeds” the narrower your view.
- The more you operate from a position of fear, the more you’ll find yourself closing up, contracting, constricting and limiting yourself.
- Just because someone you respect is skeptical of your ideas, doesn’t mean you have to give them up. Listen – yes. But don’t shortchange yourself or diminish your ideas.
- Are you angry? Is it because you’re not getting something you feel you deserve from someone? Maybe they’re not capable of giving it – maybe not now – maybe not ever. Put your energy to better use.
- You don’t always have to be about selling your business, you know. Get better at communicating and showing who you are as a person. The rest will follow. People flock to sincerity and character like bees to honey!
- Form an opinion. Those who say, “I have no opinion” are either not thinking, don’t care, they’re threatened or frightened.
- If you’re the kind of person who’s learned your enthusiasm can get the best of you, wait 24 hours before you make that phone call, send that email or plunk down money.
- And finally (for now anyway), the one you’ve invested so much time, prayer, money and energy into may not recognize the pain they have caused you. People do what’s important to THEM. So now, based on that, make your decision.
Anything ring a bell with you? Please let me know. Till next time,
Laura
Ready to party? Before you get behind the wheel, let’s analyze the costs of the average DUI shall we?
- Getting your car out of the impound lot: $250
- Bail bond fee: $1500
- Lawyer: $1500+
- 10 days in jail @ $45/day (yes, they DO charge you to sit in jail): $450
- Court costs and fees: $900+
- Travel costs to and from the court: it varies, depending on whether you got picked up close to home or across the country while you were on vacation
- Time off work assuming you’re able to keep your job: varies
- Community service 10 days: cost of lost wages
- One year of weekly alcohol counseling classes at $25 each: $650
- 2-4 breathalyzer sessions/week for one year at $3-7 each: $234
- MADD class: $35.00
- Breathalyzer monitoring device on your car for two years at $77/month: $1898.00
- The good graces of those who sacrifice their time to drive you to and fro: Hard to quantify
Lives lost and destroyed – priceless! Be careful out there – please…
